This song is about building discipline and finding a light at the end of depression.
More so, searching for answers of yourself and by faith.
After the passing of my father, my emotions were starved yet liberated by the attention it was causing.
I found that my self-loathing was so insidious, yet it compounded daily,
where as it almost felt like a systematic fix to escape reality.
The first lines are "Nine days of mourning. Thoughts of love and destruction, bleeding out my veins."
because it was only nine days where I grieved for the right reasons.
I wanted a heaven, rendered more darkly, mirrored back from all corners of my infinite repetition of spiraling.
The lines "I'm tired of dreaming if you'd come back. Letting go of destiny to focus on your end."
is directed towards the self-loathing and depression that kept me mentally caged.
To focus on the end of inertness and non-action.
Recognize your reclamation of power and revolt.
"Nine days of mourning
Thoughts of love and destruction
Bleeding out my veins
These tattered hands stretching out to an empty sky
Of misfortune and broken guilt
No feeling is final
Yet driven, unseen by you
Only buried in dreams
Sick of dreaming if God would
Carry you away from the dust
Nurturing the thought of humanity
Shattering its will
I'm tired of dreaming..
I'm tired of dreaming if you'd come back
Letting go of destiny to focus on your end
Haunting angels searching for a pillar of light
Grim as my final self fades away into silence
My screams are swallowed by God
To burn your world
No hell more harsh than dying alone"
released November 17, 2015
Recorded and mixed by Jonathan Mackey.
Mastered by Brad Boatwright at Audiosiege.